I would rather get kicked in the balls

The sad part of losing someone and they will never know. The phases, the heartache and acceptance you go through. Yes I guess everyone has it, but yet I do believe everyone is different and does this differently.

If she knew. It would have been something different I suppose but I decided to write this, maybe somewhere someone will read this and say. Shit that’s rad bru, spot on…

So here we go. 

If she would have asked me for wisdom, I would have given her a recommendation now. If she ignores me I will upstage her. 

My destiny, this she will underestimate by a long shot, cause she will never know the lengths I would have gone. 

And sometimes I wonder if she is playing along…

I think far and in other dimensions, on how I could have turned it around. I just feel that I need to be lost, and never need to make another wish again

But the problem is when I am close to her.

 I will go through crowds of faces and be able to point her out. When I am in a crowd, I only think of her.

Day by Day I only think of her. Every time I pick up my ukulele, it ends up playing songs just for her. It is a serenade just for her of songs and dance. 

I might never loose again, but yet, will I ever win again.  I feel I never even got to know her completely or understood her totally. I sound useless without her, and I am useless without her.

I live a small and uncomplicated lifestyle. The easiness of it is underrated.

But I miss her close to me. In a church or in a bar, when we sleep and when we work, when I was weak and when I was strong. 

But she is free of this fight, cause without love there is nothing worth fighting for. Without love, there is nothing worth living for, and without love, I am nothing.

But day by day I think of her, looking in a crowd to maybe see her, everyday my chords play for her, a chance that maybe she might hear it and sing and dance to a one she used to love.

Peace, Love, PinkPudding 

Fucking up the recipe

Baking a cake 

So this blog is more than just baking a cake. You will need the following

Eggs, Butter,  Flour, Salt and Sugar. Also you will need Baking Powder, milk and Vanilla Extract.

When I met her she was everything I ever wanted, she was my sugar and she had that something special. That special mix of vanilla essence that makes a cake worth eating all by yourself. 

You take the flour and add your milk to it. This binds and wets the mixture, she also wetted my appetite for life. She made the dryness of everyday living and change it to something great. She changed the dullness and started creating something in me that could be anything. 

Once the mixture is binded add the salt, and sugar: this sweetens the deal and adds the one ingredient you cant consume on your own to a level where it is needed for the creation. I added maybe to much salt and the mixture was doomed to fail. But when this ever happens my mother taught me add a dash of lemon juice. This will save the cake. 

I never had the opportunity to add the lemon juice, I would have been able to turn it around, if only I could add the lemon juice…

Add your eggs. You have to break the eggs and the eggs will also brake. But we never even had a fight. We were the perfect ying and yang and we had the eggs without even breaking one. 

The baking powder gets added. This is to make the mixture rise in the oven. Not only to rise but add the fluffiness to your cake, light in the mouth and that texture that we all love in a cake. We added the baking powder and the memories were surreal, this cake had all the potential to win awards to show that cakes are the way to live. We had more fun memories during load shedding, more funny moments just buying milk at the grocer, we had the best time together than I previously had in a lifetime and there was no stopping it. We where like two peas in a pod, Chinese twins, a lifetime together would have never been enough. But I added to much salt…..

Once everything is mixed add the vanilla. She was the vanilla in my life. She was that one ingredient that made a difference. She was cool, she was cute, she funny and clever. Her morals made me even wonder of my own existence. She was Gansta as Fuck and we were on the brink of baking a kickass cake. 

We never got to this part and this is lining your baking pan with butter and put it into the oven. This is equivalent to time together. You added all the ingredients for a perfect partner, you did what the recipe said you followed every step and it would have been perfect. 

Once the cake is baked, it is your cake and you can have it. 

I never got to my cake, I never had the chance to eat it and savour it, I never had the chance to show the world my cake. I never had a chance to add the lemon juice.

Peace, Love and Pink Pudding

Memory Void

Memory Void

So fun fact #58, I have a interest in memory and the physiologic and nereologic that's goes along with it. So no don't worry I am not posting some long worded essay about memory. But I will say google it , and you will be amazed about how little we actually know about memory.

Being fascinated about memory I was sitting one day not to long ago and thought. Hey, I wonder what was my oldest memory. Luan my son was playing around the house getting irritated by the fact that some batteries don't last 6 times longer and that his little train just couldn't.

I was going through my memory lane making stops as I travelled to the past. Some are good, some are bad, some I wish I could forget, and most of them I never want to forget. As I ventured way back, I ended up with two memories that I can honestly say was my first.
But I knew for it to match my criteria as my first, it had to pass these to tests. 1. There needs to be evidence and, 2: someone has to acknowledge that this has in fact happen.
Out of my two memories, the one, I believe was when I was 3. Mother was baking cakes and I used my brothers skateboard and pretend to be a delivery man, collecting and distributing. Well no one else can recall this eventful day so this memory was put aside as fake news. Although in my mind this was a real event.

So I had to go with memory 2, it met both requirements and it is still today one of my favourite memories.

Oky, pause. Remember I am recalling it from way back. Remembering  it as a small boy so, some stuff might be out of wack.

So my first memory was when I turned four or maybe just a few days before.
I can still remember the box that contained my birthday cake. Yes, my first memory that I can remember is cake.
This wasn't any cake this was a special cake, Buddy from the cake boss, would have refused to take this order.
But it was my cake, those years no one knew about plastic icing or printed pictures on rice papers.  These cakes was made by hands, well crafted hands. Oky oky back to my memory.

My cake was designed to look like a train. I remember it was a steam train pulling three carts. Each cart was a small square cake on its own. The train had cotton wool on its chimney resembling the smoke, at the back of the engine was my 4 candles. The first cart had a stack of those finger biscuit, which was the logs, the second cart had a load of jellytots and the third was smarties. The tracks was made using wafer biscuits.
I remember it like it was yesterday. I spent hours just looking at it, as it sat on the table.
The feeling of joy, being amazed and being hungry.

I was pleased that my first memory left such a great importance to me. I realised that my son is at that age where he will be able to recall memories. I pledged that I will always make sure that his memories will be great ones.

As Luan came and stood before me, I smiled and then he smiled.
I wiped my behind, flushed the toilet, washed my hands. I scruffed his hair and said to him.
Hope you don't have this shit memory...

Peace,Food and Pink Pudding

Make love, not war

I saw a post on Facebook of a Sunday Market close to my house, and not really have anything planned, I thought it will be a great outing for an afternoon.

The few things I can remember from the post was, the location, Food Stalls and Jumping castle, and that had me sold.

As my son and I took the 5 min drive my thoughts didn't wander as much and the only two things that actually went through my brain was. 1. why did they use a Dream Catcher as a background image on their add and 2, I told myself not expect much as this a new market and that a few spots want have stalls.

We arrived and as luck would have it we got a parking right in front of the entrance gate, okay we could have parked any where as parking wasn't really an issue.

As we entered the gates the first stall was an wooden crafts store, not really anything great the usual old wood picture frames with a not so appealing paint job. My son immediately saw the dodgy nails and said shoo-shoo. I tried to correct him loud enough not to offend the owners and told him no, 'it's a rustic look'. We moved on quickly. 

As we had a path to follow to where the actual market was I couldn't get the old man at the Rustic frames stall out of my head on how he looked like a Hippie...

Okay before continuing, I have no issues with Hippies, free spirited people. I just don't seem to connect well as my argument is always, how they accept living basically poor in some wendy house and live of the  land and mother nature bullshit, and how they wear those loose pants that looks like its made from Grannies first born bedroom duvet or something. So I have no issue on their chosen lifestyle, I just struggle to see why they won't look to improve it and get a real job?  Or maybe it's just the amount of good stuff they smoke that keeps them this happy and so grounded.

Okay so back to the market.

As we turned the corner to where most of stalls was, I just reminded myself not to expect to much.

Oh, boy was I wrong. Every stall stand had a vendor all 13 or 15 of the stalls. As I scanned my route to do our rounds around the market, I made the link with why they used a Dream Catcher as their market logo and why the old man looked like a Hippie.

This was a free-spirited market.

My son in his Spiderman shirt and me in a jean and peach golf shirt, we didn't really "fit" the scene and it also came clear that they haven't been busy. I knew this will be a quick walk through. I just said to Luan don't make eye contact, don't touch anything and please don't do that cute hello when you see new people.

As we walked past every stall just glancing at what they sold, everything was either knitted jerseys, the ones free spirited people wear, you know the ones with one tone color and the sleeves that are to big but the right length and what I could see a few missed stitches.

Or those fire chain things they dance with at night, the guy that was doing the demonstrations on these made it clear why they do it at night, as it looks silly in the day and also it wasn't on fire. He explained to some people how you can make money doing this at shows and stuff. Also on the money back guarantee if the chain should broke and some other details.

I could remember the one lady selling bracelets with stones of some sorts, and as we walked past I heard her talking to a potential customer saying how she haven't sold one yet but every person did take a pamphlet and how joyfull she sounded in saying it. 

In my mind I just got this scene how she gets home later in a dark wendy house, her husband sitting on the floor in a tie dye shirt and a bong thick smoke hanging in the air and her telling him that she didn't sell anything but all the pamphlets are finish, and his response is 'wow, we must print more pamphlets'

As I saw the end of the market I knew we where home free but my son wasn't playing along and wanted to play on the jumping castles. I knew as a parent that I couldn't not let my son go play and that my own insecurities shouldn't stop him from having fun. 

But I told him I only have R20 and that is 30min of jumping time, that seems to be the going rate at the markets.

He smiled took his shoes off and went for it.

I looked for someone to pay and at the jumping castle was a sign 'Jumping Castle R5'

A free-spirited guy walked towards me and I asked if I can pay him. He greeted me in love and prosperity and said yes.

Trying to get the R5 out of my pocket I said something like its cheap for R5 for 30min.

The guy looked at me if I was crazy, I thought shit maybe it's R5 for 10 min or something.

As I handed him my R5 not sure how long my son can jump, I asked. How long can he jump?

The guy said its R5 for the whole day.

He returned with one of those green glitter cello type you get at the Crazy store and said he needs to put this around his arm to show he paid. I almost said, dude there are 3 kids in the whole market here. I think you will remember Spiderman here, he is the odd kid here. But I didn't say anything.

While Luan was jumping around, I looked for the food Stall they said in their add. Well, they didn't lie but it would have been nice if they said in their post Vegan food.

I am not really a vegan type foody, so I ended up not eating. 

I convinced my son that he played enough and that we should get going, as he got off the jumping castle the guy came and asked if we are leaving, I said yes and before I could get my reason out he asked if my son can return the Green Glitter tape. 

I was surprised that he asked, but not really want to question his action, I removed it and gave it to him. 

As we walked away I looked over my shoulder just as a last look as I don't think I will be returning, the guy at the jumping castle was putting my sons R5 bangle on the other kid so he could jump for the rest of the day. I couldn't see why he wouldn't have let that boy jumped earlier, but I not really interested enough to go back and asked we left. 

As we got to the car, I looked around to see if there was any beetle or flower painted cars in the parking lot. 

I didn't see any, guess they walked..

Peace, Love & Pink Pudding

Life, sink or swim.


So, I recently joined the permanent 'on leave' members of society.
Well as not being to fond of it, I immediately updated my CV and started searching for a new career.

I had this picture in my mind where my new job will be working in some fancy office and having leave over December holidays. 

Well, as I started searching it came very quickly to me that my position doesn't exist or the guy currently doing it hasn't resigned yet. And why would he any way?

I lowered my expectations a little and continued on sending my CV to what I call my busted dream jobs.

A week into it, and not really getting the feedback that I was looking for. I lowered my expectations even more and the only positive that I could think was its a job at least. I called these my 'rock bottom' jobs

On this particular morning nothing out of the ordinary happened. 
Around 10 am my phone rang, I didn't recognize the number but I just had that feeling this could be the call I have been waiting on. 

It was one of my Rock bottom applications. 

I won't use his real name or the company but if I had to guess a new name it would be Johan.

Now Johan works at a second hand car dealership and they are looking for a new salesman. I have never worked in this type of industry before.

The first interview was right there and then over the phone with me standing in my pj's.

It started like any interview with basic questions, but I was waiting on the car sales experience questions and I tried my best to steer the conversation in all different directions.

But then Johan asked. So what experience do you have in the car sales industry?
My heart just stopped, and I wished I concentrated more in geography to locate the closest black hole to suck me into a new dimension.

I paused, took a breath and said. Johan I have never worked in a sales position before.
I could hear Johan also trying to locate the closest Black hole to send me to, as I wasted his time and airtime.

But out of peer desperation I told Johan but I am very convincing, and think its a good attribute to have for a sales man.

Johan gave a very long pause, I think he might not had geography and that he is struggling to locate this black hole for me.
But Johan gave up that fight and said in a very serious and direct manner. Give me one example.

I could feel my brain going through 30 years of memory trying to locate this example that I need to convince Johan on my skill.

I might have said 'oja shit' out loud as I can remember my example of my convincing skills.

I told Johan about this group of friends of mine. We were looking for a boat to buy as we enjoyed fishing and want to ride over weekends and have some fun with it.

One of them found one on the internet and all 4 of us agreed that this needs be seen and decided if we will buy it.

Upon arriving me and one of the friends at the said boat, taking pictures sending it to the rest of the crew it became quickly clear that 2 have abandoned ship. They said its a piece of shit.

Well they have a lot more knowledge than the two of us so their concerns were true and factual.
One of them grew up with boats and the numbers just didn't add up for him and he knows boats in and out. 
Not being overturned by their comments. I convinced my friend to continue the transaction.

And to bring the story to the end, my friend is a proud owner of a boat that does not float.



Johan said he will let me know for a second interview, it's been a week now.


Food,Peace & PinkPudding

Pink Pudding first Blog.


Okay, so you are reading this for the first time, but this is my third attempt now. Couldn't figure out how to save it, so I ended up redoing it again and then again.

So here I am writing my first blog, okay so this is actually how I ended up here?

I was busy looking up funny cat pics, cause that's what single parents do on a Sunday night. As I looked at this ridiculous picture and wondering how someone will think this is funny on my top corner came a add saying 'TOP 10 WAYS TO MAKE MONEY ON THE INTERNET'

Guess how shit it was...
Well if they are true on their statements it will be only a short time before I am driving some fancy car along the coast line. Making the money rain by having people reading every line.

As I decided to start blogging, I read some posts on how to blog (I'm lying) what I did do is make me another cup of coffee and day dreaming about all this money that web site said I am going to make.

So here is my first blog, I will post every 4 to 10 days on my experience of random life choices and also the bad ones I make.
And can someone post some really funny cat pics?

Peace, love and Pink Pudding